there are times in BOTH of our lives where we sometimes have to put things either on hold or pause for someone else. if that person is going through an ABSOLUTLE FUCKING NIGHTMARE, then we pause and wait and just be avaialble.
. i will say this once and if you EVER mention taking your life, JUST AFTER MY FATHER LOSING HIS, i will call 911 and NEVER speak to you again
I CAN NOT TELL YOU HOW FUCKING OFFENSIVE AND HORRIBLE IT IS TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT TAKING YOUR OWN LIFE.
YOU DONT EVEN SEE IT
YOU WANT FUCKED UP
HOW ABOUT SAYING THAT TO SOMEONE WHO JUST LOST A PARENT
THINK ABOUT IT
THEN TELL ME WHO IS MAKING THINGS ABOUT WHO
IM DONE LISTENING TO YOU TALK ABOUT KILLING YOURSELF
IM DONE
How offensive it is for me to say this? How offensive do you think it is for me to FEEL this and have you tear me apart for it.
I'm sorry I'm not Pausing and Waiting and just being available to you.
I JUST WANT TO DIE.
I don't want to feel so alone anymore. I don't want to be isolated in a world that really just doesn't GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME.
Nobody calls. Nobody texts. Nobody writes. Nobody asks me how I am and wants the truth. I'm in the blackest of black despair. There are needles in my heart, a storm in my head, and the only thing I can feel is pain.
Every day I fake it. I fake being ok, because That's what I'm supposed to do.
And meanwhile, every night, I cry. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I drink, I cry, I think about what the most foolproof way to kill myself would be.
And you say how offensive it is.
Yeah. to me too.
I don't get to choose differently. fuck. I wish I could. I wish I could get to choose to have someone hold me when it gets this bad. To sit there and listen to me when I cry out in pain.
instead I just have to hide it away to even get the slightest bit of acceptance.
why can't anyone help me?
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