i feel an existential angst tonight.
can't sleep, even though I need to be awake soon
can't stop thinking about the world, and my place in it.
and the fact that it's so hard to find someone to hold you who does it
because they value you, not your vagina, or your money, or some other aspect of their need.
all I want is someone in my life who can be by my side,
hold my hand while we stare into the dark of the future together.
feels like that's never going to happen for me,
more and more these days.
every date feels like a further step towards eternal loneliness.
all they want from me, really, is sex.
i'm not a vending machine - you don't get to put in dinner, and get sex in return.
this coin slot aches from lonely, disconnectedness
it's so sad, so heart rending, every time you try and keep the suspension of disbelief going - this one's a keeper, this one's different.
and then they aren't.